I don’t have writer’s block; I just don’t like anything I’m writing now. Part of the problem is I’m in the middle of moving from Chiang Mai to Chiang Rai. I’m spending much of my time dealing with logistics, and saying goodbye to friends. I’m packing and planning and waiting for Season 4 of Game of Thrones. I don’t have a schedule or routine, really, as my life is in the process of progressing – it’s a mess, but in a messy way, not in a hopeless-oh-dear-god way.
And I haven’t uprooted myself in a long time. Moving within CM doesn’t count. So it’s a big change for me, even though Chiang Rai is just a mere 3 hours north. I feel like I’m waiting for the gamble to pay off, if it even works out that way. Rarely are these kinds of things so this or that, black or white, all or nothing.
There are moments when I wish time would slow down or speed up, which I think is part of the work that comes with transitions. Because I am leaving, I’m deliciously in the moment, but because I am leaving, I’m also eager to leave.
Forcing yourself to change your job, environment, relationship, habit, what-have-you, feels like, what I would imagine time travel to be. You’re hoping to land where you want to land, but you know starting over will require work that you don’t have to do when you are in familiar surroundings.
Although, if I reflect on my past, moving to places that I have never seen, don’t really know, and have done very little research on, is actually very normal for me. I live by my leaps in life. And it’s certainly not because I have some great call for adventure, in fact, many folks would say I’m a homebody and a creature of habit, it’s just seems like leaping is part of living, and following your ideas.
But if I’m honest with you, I’m turning into one of those complaining grumpy expats regarding Chiang Mai, and that’s a good sign it’s time to leave.