I’ve been running around like a tuk tuk driver looking for farang customers with a few extra baht bills sleeping in their pockets. My other blog for the first time since I’ve started it has skipped a week of entry, and is looking like it’s gonna skip another week too. And my caloric intake is at an all-time high, possibly rivaling my college record – possibly.
I’d like to start off by hammer fisting to the groin the astrologer (google) who said this would be a great year for romance. And I’d like to jump kick myself in the breadbasket for believing it. What was so great about wishing half the year away on a man who was snogging and shagging another tomato behind my tastefully tattooed back?
Riddle me that Mr. Sombat. Riddle me this, Mr. Call-It-Quits.
Ah but I’m alright. I didn’t mean to dig up an old grave. It’s just you can’t do a little reflection on the year without taking another look at the artifacts. Let’s have a look shall we?
My manna in the desert would come in the form of taking a leap of faith and fortitude, moving to Ecuador. I’m no spring chicken and what I’ve learned throughout the years is risk-taking smells mighty tentative when you are no longer resting on the laurels of twenty-something.
At the same time I really had no idea what I was getting into. So when I felt like I was in between incarnations, floundering in the sea of Ecuadorian life, it hurt. I had to learn all over again what it was like to be kohn diao, alone. And when you’re flying solo after 6 years in a relationship, you’re going to feel like the ugly duckling searching for home.
But I landed my first ESL job, met good people, and experienced a culture I’d been fascinated with for some time. In other words, I had an itch and I scratched it.
And as I stuff my face with the abundance of food that has made its way into my apartment, I realize living in Ecuador strengthened me. Then I was ready to come back to Thailand and do all the things that I didn’t feel ready to do last year. I learned to drive a motorbike. I got that English teaching job. I went back to Thai class. I made new friends.
I forgave my ex. I moved on with the kind of integrity that makes people wonder, how can you still hang out with your ex? How can you listen to him talk about his new Thai girlfriend? How do you do it? How? By the knowing that comes from having dealt and handled much worst things than this. By the belief in myself and the beauty that comes from love and forgiveness. By being just me.
You see I’m an amazing person. And I’m not afraid to say it. I’m not being egotistic I’m being realistic. My closest friends are the ones who have endured the hard knocks and stood back up, and I don’t think this is a coincidence. Hardships are not a curse but a blessing because when you get through them, you shine with an inner brilliance that no enemy can take away from you.
You become, oddly enough, a more positive person. Hardships shouldn’t make you harder but softer. This year was a good year because I have my health, I travelled and my collection of friends, who I love dearly, has grown. I’m alive. I’m still in awe of Thailand. I can’t remember laughing so much either.
I know I’ll always have love in my life. Yeah I guess the Player wasn’t it but I’m still in the game. You know what they say you have to strike out to hit a home run. And there is still a lot of Chiang Mai sausage to savor and experience. So as this calendar year gets ready to close its curtains, I’ll hardly notice. I’m here. Living my Thailand dream.