@myself

As the New Year picks its self up from the strain of celebration, I started to think about my future and my past. I started to wonder if I had found what I was looking for in Thailand.

It’s hard to think back to the girl who was so eager to have the experience of living abroad so many months ago. Did she understand what she was in for? I want to visit her and listen to her talk.

I wondered what effect it would have been to say to her: You won’t find that teaching job. You’ll break up with your boyfriend. And you won’t fit in.

Instead, you’ll meet amazing people from all over the world and you’ll feel more creative and alive than you can ever recall being. And after that long-term relationship, you’ll re-remember what it feels like to be independent again.

Those cryptic words from that dream you jotted down many years ago in your journal will suddenly surface onto your memory, “You are already dreaming in your sleeping. Now wake up.” It will make sense.

You will have (finally, finally, finally) started to meditate, and your friends will relate to your writing and enjoy reading it!

You will eat a lot of fried eggs, more than you thought was humanely possible, and you will overcome your fear of being on a motorbike. In fact, you’ll develop this weird habit of throwing your head back to look at the sky.

You’ll get paid to write.

Oh, and stop trying to quit coffee already.

You’ll start to dance with your headphones on, music as loud as you want it, when no one is looking.

Your opinion of the British and French will change.

And you will gain a deeper appreciation and love for your Thai family.

You won’t find what you were looking for because you didn’t know what you really wanted when you set off to live here. I mean, you thought you knew but life got in the way and so you sat with him for awhile. You had a few tasty beers and talked for a long time until you came to an agreement.

You’d keep going.