Writing Memoir

Why do guys like crazy girls?

toys
@ Cimelo Cafe, Chiang Rai, 2014

Being called crazy is usually considered positive and fun. Rarely is crazy what it really is – insanity. Blame it on slang, youth culture, or pop music – crazy, these days, seems to be crazier than ever.

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?”― Albert Einstein

I remember years ago taking an interest in this guy, and my friends and I were all hanging out with him and getting to know him better. It was a fun day being absolute sloths in Y’s apartment watching episodes of Glee and stuffing our gullets with pizza.

One of my girlfriends asked him, “So! What kind of girls do you like?” and I will never forget his answer because it REALLY pissed me off.

“Honestly? I like the crazy ones.”

Then, being a very modern woman I went home and googled, “why do men like crazy girls”. The best answers had to do these kinds of men wanting to “rescue” and “save a woman” and I suppose feel manly. What-ever. I mean, isn’t that like saying, “I like girls with low self-esteem?” Look, I get it. I have a touch of the Messiah-complex myself, but seriously? Believing crazy is “cute” is for those who don’t know what crazy really is.

If I’m honest, I grew up around crazy and it’s not fun. It’s not cute. It’s not entertaining or any of that other bullshit. As a child, it’s terrifying. Hey, I know! A-hole, for your next life, you come back as a daughter of crazy and you tell me how much it’s sexy and attractive. Let me know how that abusive environment worked out and what it was like to grow up in fear.

(That relationship with the idiot didn’t work out, but you knew that already, right? Remind me next time to not go back on my intuition, okay?)

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops

Our popular culture loves to shower and sparkle attention on crazy though. Now, I suppose, crazy can readily be confused with “outlandish”, as in Lady Gaga or other people who understand what a good publicity stunt can do for their popularity and career. But I’m talking about crazy, as in something Hollywood likes to romanticize.

Of course, sometimes crazy is portrayed in its true light. Yet, it seems very common to interpret crazy as different and special. And this is where I think boys like the above, and popular culture gets it wrong.

Yes, there is beauty and a vulnerability in crazy, but usually crazy people are unable to handle certain situations within the range of normality or are battling with dark and complex problems. In other words, something is wrong with them. Because nobody in their sane mind would want a crazy boss, a crazy taxi driver, or a crazy employee.

So, I don’t get this “I like crazy girls” nonsense.

“Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time.”― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

I remember encouraging a friend to write because he said he always wanted to, and his response was, “But I didn’t have a crazy childhood. My life has been normal.” Even though he was being somewhat facetious, I knew this was how he really felt. Tragedy and angst breeds creativity.

We also seem to want our artists to be on the fringes as well. It’s too bad though because I think there are a lot of normal artists with talent who are not getting the attention they deserve. So the world thinks art is nothing, but abstract and conceptual. Bah!

“Being crazy isn’t enough.”― Dr. Seuss

And since we glorify those not playing with a full set of cards, we’re receiving less than the complete deck that we are certainly able to afford.

When I was much younger, I found it remarkable how much attention was given to negative news and behavior. So, for a long time, I shut off the TV and newspapers to all of it because I didn’t want to be effected, nor did I want to participate in a media that didn’t focus on the good guys.

I hope one day we will live in a world that showcases normal as healthy and something to aspire to. Now, I know I sound like a goody-goody, but this is how I feel. I won’t dip it in sugar, I had a shit childhood, but I worked hard to accept the hand I was given and move on. I made it a point to let go of dead weight and to not be held down by my past. But in order to be desirable to some guys, I guess I should have just embraced it and worn all of my sorrows like a thorny halo.

Srew that.

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48 thoughts on “Why do guys like crazy girls?

  1. This probably doesn’t reall fit (or perhaps it does?).
    I know Two people who are the most creative people I can imagine, they write great books or a very good artists when it comes to make beautiful things with canvas and a brush. And here is the thing now, I know for 100% that they had a very very normal childhood as I grew up partly with them but “officially” they make it look like that their childhood was a mess, what troubles they had to go through and what a hard way it was for them to achieve what they have now. It all is just made up so does it maybe mean that people want to hear such stories, are more interested when others had supposedly a hard life and came up on the top?
    I don’t know how else to write and explain this as it is a very weird topic for me as I do not understand why people have to make something likethat even up

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    1. I think what you saying fits because many people learn that negative and crazy behavior gets them attention. We see this all the time with the media and certain friends like to have drama around them – I suppose it makes them feel like their lives are exciting. I don’t know. I’m not one of them.

      And it’s really interesting how we interpret our upbringing. We (Western society in general) really are more Freudian than Buddha.

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    2. Wow. I think that is pathetic, what they are doing. There are celebrities here, too, who like to play the pity-poor-me approach, like they are very good examples of success stories.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Omg! Thank you! 😆 I was just told today a guy i just met is going back to his certified crazy girlfriend. She attempted suicide. He has a 9 year old. I said why would you ever bring him around such a woman? I’m the most normal successful womam he will meet.

      I told him to delete everything about me and my number. Goodbye.

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      1. Ug. Wow. Big drama. I can’t believe he’s bringing his child into this, but then again, maybe he feels like he can give her stability. I don’t know.

        If I had a child, I’d be mighty protective about this, but then again, what do I know, I’m not a parent. You’re better off dear, you did the right thing, move on.

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  2. I think it’s so funny you Googled it. Hehe. Glad you did because it’s an interesting topic. Same thing can be said for why girls like “bad” guys. Not for the same reasons, though (it’s not a we want to save them, perhaps it’s more of a challenge?). Wait, I might have to Google it….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You might be on to something…the danger element that people seek. But at the end of the day, it comes to seeking, and chasing something that you feel you lack – you know, like an addiction.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “it comes to seeking, and chasing something that you feel you lack”

        Or something that mirrors your own insecurities so you want to feel needed that’s why you seek such people who can satisfy that need.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. i think its all a matter of perspective. as a storyline, its a way to show a character going through adversity to gain something, whether spiritual or material. or maybe lose something. but without crazy we have no fulcrum for health. it takes all kinds. am finally finishing book of Roberto! the ultimate bad crazy boy. so have had plenty of immersion in crazy. keep up the passion! s

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    1. I want to agree with you, but I can’t with “it takes all kinds.” When I teach, I greatly appreciate students who are engaged and want to learn. I don’t need the opposite. Of course you can argue we can’t have the light without the dark, but I think when it comes to relationships we can strive towards the light.

      And I’ve been one of those girls that gets caught up in storylines when it comes to romantic relationships, for me, it doesn’t work. I’ll take authenticity over any imagined ideal of what things should or shouldn’t be. I think story emerges naturally.

      I’m very glad to hear that Roberto is almost finished! 😀 Yes, he’s plenty crazy and under “bad boy” he’s in there. Very happy for you!

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  4. Haha, I’m going to go on a tangent. The use of the word “crazy” in regards to women is also something that’s crazy debated. It’s the label that many women fear because it dismisses everything she is and reduces it to one single word. Especially in regards to girlfriends. “Crazy” is the kill-all that guys can use to basically dismiss his partner instead of paying attention to the nuances of her personality or listening to her in an adult conversation.

    Anyways, good choice on ditching that loser 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You brought up a really good point. I remember Dave Chapelle talking about when people called him “crazy”. He said to be called crazy is to be dismissive. That really stuck with me because it’s so true.

      There is a lot that can be said about this. Thanks for bringing up another facet!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I too have always wondered what kind of girls like when guys say they like the “crazy ones”. I don’t blame you for googling, it’s a very vague description. I always thought that these guys referred to girls who like to drink and party, do something outrageous when the sun’s down. And girls who seek attention.

    Like you, I don’t like this “crazy” term being used this way as sometimes crazy is a form of art. Think Lady Gaga as you mentioned. Like CrazyChinese Family said, this topic is confusing to me. I see myself as a bit crazy when it comes to my writing – crazy in that I will go all out to make sure a blog post goes up when it’s supposed to go up. Canceling appointments at the last minute because I have a freelance article due. Run away from my group of friends just to take a photo of something over there.

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    1. Eccentric is different than crazy. The behavior you described reminds me of that – maybe individualistic, as well.

      The crazy I’m referring to is “mentally unhinged” as in really crazy, not the way we use it today to mean “silly and fun”.

      And that’s where I get angry – that crazy is glorified as something desirable and romantic. Because people with real problems need to get better and move on, not be pampered and pursued because of their craziness.

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      1. I really get riled up when some non-Asians, Westeners, refer to some Asian girls as “crazy Asian girl”. That is, Asian girls who want to be spoilt, pampered, throws tantrums, is easily jealous and so on. I really do not like that one bit. It’s stereotypical thinking. Some Asian girls act like this for a valid reason, and some need help.

        It’s terrible that crazy is glorified in the celebrity world. It’s dangerous since we might all think that crazy is normal.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I thought you were talking about me for a second there! Hahahaha, just kidding. My friend actually reminded me of the “crazy Filipino girl” syndrome. It’s a thing. And I hear “crazy Thai girl” often, too. Yeah…I don’t get it.

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      3. “crazy Filipino girl” — that would be me…Kidding! Crazy is really subjective, anyway, unless we are talking about actual mental conditions, which is not to put-down those who do have these conditions, BTW. I am just trying to dissect this topic.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. My definition of crazy is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results, Having a world where living in the past and blaming others for our creation is where “crazy’ hangs out in our world. When we see our world through personality, and what “happened to me” we can have crazy be the side dish, When we recognize our own creation without blame, seeing ourselves as a way to bring sanity to an insane world, then peace and stillness seem to become easier to hang out in, ( one side note) the highest frequency in the room brings the most sanity, and there are some who want to get angry and create insanity around it, sometimes getting very upset with the frequency of sanity. So keep on being sane my friend, maybe we are being a minority.

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      1. Believe me still working on this myself. Much love Robyn. I just found where my notifications were after 3 weeks when wordpress changed the format. Much love Robyn

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I get what you mean. I just have a feeling he meant crazy in another context, like not his idea of boring, one who is ready for anything, stuff like that.

    Just thinking.

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  8. I always tended to think that people meant the Manic Pixie Dream Girl type when they referenced “crazy girls.” The ones who were quirky and “random” and could teach the Type A alpha male how to love and be impulsive.

    And on a tangent, it’s really annoying how people get famous for being “crazy” or through studied “quirkiness.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “And on a tangent, it’s really annoying how people get famous for being ‘crazy’ or through studied ‘quirkiness.’ ”

      I have observed people I know who try to make themselves “crazier” or weirder or more different from others than they actually are. That’s because they feel they are more interesting that way, or seem more intellectual. They try hard in order to get attention or to create that supposed mysterious aura about them. I have never called anyone off about it as it’s his/her business, but if I am asked about it, which would be unlikely maybe, I’ll say it. If s/he wants to be mature about asking for real opinions, then s/he has to be mature about accepting them.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Right. My students call me crazy all the time. We use it rather casually, but I was referring to CRAZY and why guys seem stuck liking dysfunction.

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  9. I think the guys who like crazy girls only want a woman who is temporarily fun, sexy-crazy and off the wall. They want her to drop her crazy masque, keep a decent household, stay out of debt (A crazy girl doesn’t have financial smarts. Let’s get real and that’s not fun at all.) and be smart cutting edge too. So this is all hypocritical and traditional in terms of what they want in a woman: they want a woman in their image, fit their own crazy life temporarily, on their own terms.

    Guys who want crazy girls…are not mature themselves. One wonders if they will get itchy feet soon…

    “Crazy” is subjective: there are some guys who wouldn’t really want their partner out vacationing solo for 6 months on a bike herself. So again, it’s his definition of craziness, but not crazy to her own wishes and deepest, long term desires.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very well said. And yes, crazy is subjective, I wouldn’t think any woman or man who wanted to go on a solo bike ride for 6 months was crazy. Maybe an inspiration, an adventurer, but not crazy.

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  10. I think we have to remember that sometimes crazy can really be “crazy”. I’ve met some girls that do the weirdest things or change characters like their psychotic or something. It’s true. lol

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  11. It works in the other direction too. Men in prison for the most heinous crimes are always getting love letters and proposals from women. Just this last week Charles Manson got married. I don’t know if there’s anyone on the planet crazier than Manson, and he’s had continual adoration from women for decades.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Two things. We’ve all had crazy exs. They beguile us with their non-conformist ways and then you find yourself making excuses for why they are sobbing at every social engagement you go to. I know not why.

    Secondly, there seems to be a huge amount of wordage given over to the unremitting misery of life. People seem to like reading about it. Not me, I’m all about the positives. And gin.

    Cheers matey 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Very interesting Lani – so true. Why does our society bolster the crazy and usually unhealthy personas as more vulnerable, interesting, artistic etc. A great topic to ponder.
    I believe it’s an act of great courage to be normal these days? The normal ones will rarely ever see the type of attention their crazy counterparts do, the normal ones are more vulnerable in the sense that they aren’t covering anything up with drama – what you see is what you get type thing – and the normal ones are most likely able to tap into a larger range of emotions rather than the typically dramatic ways those who define themselves by their problems usually have.
    I mean I use the word normal loosely – you know what I mean – those who are undefined by their problems/drama/past.
    I’d go so far to say that the things I mentioned above are the reasons guys may prefer crazy girls. Instead of getting wrapped up in the person (vulnerability city) you get wrapped up in the drama and for some that’s the only way they know how to connect. The need to rescue people is an act of great disassociation from Self and others, it’s a tactic to feel and be needed, a belief that someone who didn’t need you in this way would leave you.
    A ramble, but as usual, a very interesting topic you wrote about here, my friend.
    Awesome post!!
    ~ Andrea ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I think the use of the term “crazy” is crazy too.
    And it starts with using the term as a bucket container for a variety of illnesses ranging from the eccentric to the debilitating. My guess is that this vagueness lets people draw such ranging inferences from the same word.

    My guess for real, is that they are looking for someone brave enough to express beyond social convention. This is not craziness, it’s courageous.

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    1. I think we might be talking about two different things. I’m talking about the debilitating kind of craziness, not the eccentric/wacky kind. The latter, yeah, I get. Quirky can be hot.

      But cray cray as in massive issues or meds is not hot.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I don’t think I’ve ever interpreted a guy referring to a girl as “crazy” in a positive way. Maybe the connotation has changed, but the guys I know used it to stereotype and label women — usually as a way of absolving themselves from taking any blame for unhealthy dynamics in a relationship. It wasn’t that the guys should have cleanly ended a relationship when they weren’t into a girl, or were only into her when they were lonely, etc. It was always, “She’s crazy!” Or “I don’t know what happened, she got all crazy on me!”

    Is this mostly Asian guys that want a crazy girl, or is it that many men from all cultures have the manic pixie dream girl fetish?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve noticed that ever since I wrote this post it is consistently in my top read. Talk about having NO idea that this would be a popular topic. Is it the girls who are doing the research? Probably.

      And yeah, I think it’s all boys in all cultures that have a thing for manic pixies. It’s almost like the boys (cause they aren’t men) know that the relationship will always be severely flawed and that she won’t ever commit and so they can safely chase the “dream”.

      After all, it’s the chase for many that make it “exciting”. So, if the girl is crazy it’s “exciting” for them. It’s as you say, they can “absolve themselves from any blame” in relationships like this.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow. I have never thought it this way how media romanticizes crazy. This was insightful.
    Sorry that your relationship didn’t work out with that guy. Perhaps a blessing in disguise?
    It’s weird that he said that.
    Actually I have NEVER heard of guys liking crazy girls in my life, not ever. I feel like the minute a guy hears that you are a crazy, he will immediately start running. I think crazy is perceived as “bad” where I live.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good! As it should be! I think the more ‘normal’ and well-balanced a man is, the more likely he will run from crazy – because crazy = drama.

      Big blessing in disguise, thanks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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