9 reasons Chiang Mai sucks

sun-mrkt-night

The ex just told me he is thinking of moving back to Chiang Mai.

Noooooooo!

So this got me thinking, what can I do to avoid stalking seeing him around town with his more Thai than me girlfriend?

I know!

I’ll write a post on how Chiang Mai sucks. 9 reasons. Let’s go.

1. It’s a small city. It takes about an hour and a half to walk around the outside of the moat for calorie burning purposes.

2. During March they burn all the hill tribes mountains, creating awful pollution and health related problems. I got a sinus infection. And everyone wears masks, but not like in a sexy masquerade kind of way…more like, Oh God, I’m getting cancer of the lung kind of way.

3. Because it’s a small city, you run into the same folks over and over and over again. Like that guy you wished you hadn’t slept with. (True story, people want to sleep with me.)

4. Construction. Ubiquitous, like that smell. Drive you mad, it will.

5. Rabid street rabbits dogs. My friend Katie was attacked, in her own neighborhood too. It was kind of like this:

(Consequently, the ex didn’t like this movie. I know. Deal breaker. Seventh sign of Satan or something like that.)

6. Despite small city status, it’s surprisingly a real pain in the gohn yai to get around without a motorbike. My latest batch of friends had many problems with red trucks. Rot dangs are infamous for dropping off other passengers before you, and getting lost/not understanding where you want to go, and overcharging foreigners. Etc. Etc.

7. Pretentious expats abound. (Myself included. See: blog)

8. Traffic. Now you might think, whoa. But I think whoa too. You see, ever since the Great Flood of 2011, more Bangkokians have scurried up here, creating for the first time ANGRY Thai drivers. It’s a theory, but the fact is CM is getting more populated.

As a result, traffic is moving slower. This could also be attributed to more middle class Thais purchasing and “driving” cars/SUVs on roads that were not build for such volume. Throw in some construction and heat, and you’ve got yourself a basket case full of driving glory.

9. It’s a dusty town. (You were right, Itzco.) Studies have shown that nose picking rises by 32% upon relocation. Also what is not so commonly referred to as “dust in the eyes” is a problem further exacerbated while driving a motor bike/vehicle.

So you see dear readers, Chiang Mai is changing, growing, expanding, and with all that ballooning comes all the stuff we don’t like. Is it really worth relocating? Are you trying to get back together with me? Cause it won’t work…I’ve moved on.

11 thoughts on “9 reasons Chiang Mai sucks

  1. It’s funny…people always diss on Phuket and praise Chiang Mai. But I like Phuket a lot more than Chiang Mai. Thanks for your insight.

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  2. In three years its turned into a stressed out strip mall with no public transportation, polluted like crazy and being overwhelmed by the human ants from the north.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t see the attraction so far, the digital nomads seem to be the bottom of the rung type – those who rent $100 apartments and sit on xe.com all day willing the Thai Baht down. The nightlife is non-existent, the foreigner women are rough – they consider themselves too fat for the southern beaches so come to Chiang Mai.

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  4. I am so depressed living here now, traffic, pollution, noise, no sidewalks, very few parks, red little trucks ruining our health with their diesel exhaust. I’ve been trying to sell my car for a few months to leave but cant sell it, nobody will buy anything used here. Crazy. All I get is scam emails from Nigerians to give me their bank accounts on Thai visa and Baht sold etc. May give it away. I need some clean air, cooler temps and quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have you thought about heading up to Chaing Rai? It’s cooler and cleaner and tamer. You might have some luck selling your car there, or you might enjoy driving around there freely. It’s got a nice big mall, etc, give it a try…good luck.

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