observations, humor, and nonsense
Beauty hacks come in all shapes and sizes, but budget beauty hacks that reuse materials you already have in the house are the best. I mean, don’t you just hate waste? For example, I’ve always felt a sense of loss after I’ve clipped my nails, especially my toenails because they’re so big! But did you…
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Friendly Notices! from Your Homeowners Association Date: November 2, 2018 Re: Courtesy Notice – Halloween decorations Dear Eleanor Gardens Homeowner: As you are aware, the Board of Directors wants to ensure that our community is an extraordinary place to live, and in order for this to continue enforcement of the Rules and Regulations is necessary…
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Instrument: Electric kettle, French press, coffee Tempo: Slowly wake up, make coffee (drink it black, strong, with feeling). Instrument: Journal and Paper Mate Ink Joy gel 0.7 Tempo: With starts and stops, with pleasure and panache, scribble down yesterday’s events, thoughts, lofty dreams, goals, and to-do lists. Instrument: All-in-one Acer desktop computer + working internet…
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Social distancing isn’t just the hottest catchphrase, it’s also a new way of life after COVID-19. • My kid can’t beat up your kid anymore. In fact, with these masks on I can’t tell which one is my kid. • Siblings no longer need to draw an invisible line in the backseat of cars, a…
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“Is anybody awake? I’ve got to go to the porta potty.” Kari confessed. We were seniors in college, doing archaeological fieldwork at the Canyons of the Ancients National Monument in Southwest Colorado. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding.” Sara rolled over. “What time is it?” Kari and Sara were my best friends and our tent…
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It was the morning after Superbowl Sunday. The guys were about to get to their job sites, but they were lingering outside by their trucks with hot cups of coffee, talking about yesterday’s game in pairs or small groups. Usually their trucks would be idling, usually they would be scrambling for their hard hats, tool…
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Hi, my name’s Lumberjack Dan, and I’m here to help you fellas get your balls in a row. Whether you’re at the starting gate (you’ve decided to move in with your long term girlfriend) or have been running the track nonstop (married with kids), I’ve got the answers to your needs. But first, some qualifications.…
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You can’t get out of these. You’ve already tried. You’ve bailed before, Haley’s birthday, Tom and Peter’s housewarming, your grandma’s 90th, so you’re stuck. You’ve ranted and raved to your stuffed animal collection (family), drank it off but stopped after two glasses of wine (wuss), and passed out in a fear-induced stupor (typical).
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// Own the Bowl Haircut – Why should childhood trauma still haunt you? Bring a bowl to the salon and tell them to do it. Bonus points if you are a woman or you do it at home. Post on social media. #iamthebowl
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If my mental math isn’t failing me, I’ve been teaching for about 12 years, which means I haven’t had the good sense to hook, reel, and catch a ‘sugar daddy’. Nor have I been able to launch my misplaced passion for writing into any lucrative side hustle or ‘cash cow’.
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane. – Jim Gaffigan Is everyone on holiday but me? Even though my vacation is later this month, I’m still burning with jealousy at everyone else’s Instagram feed. I’m convinced everyone’s loaded with unlimited cash – and having a great time. *sobs into monogram handkerchief*
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