Remember when you were a kid and you’d look up at all the things that adults did and you’d go – WHY? Well, I don’t wonder anymore.

// Passing out after work

When you don’t want to hem anymore jeans.[Chiang Mai, 2016]

My stepfather worked in construction so he was on his feet most of the day. When he came home he’d open up a can of Coors Light and smoke a cigarette in his armchair. It wasn’t unusual for him to then fall asleep. His head tilted back with his mouth open, his hand still clutching the silver can and a burning cigarette. He burned a hole in the fabric of the couch before. One time I carefully removed the cigarette from between his fingers and put it out. Another time I watched the cigarette burn until it hit the filter.

This weekend during a break between classes, my colleagues and I looked at one another with bloodshot eyes. We teach six hours on Saturday and Sunday so by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, we’re pretty exhausted. We confessed that sometimes we fall asleep by 8.30. My BF likes to talk about that time when he came home from school, face-planted into his bed, and passed out with his teacher clothes and shoes still on.

// Drinking, smoking, and zoning out in front of the TV

After an all-day teacher’s conference. I deserve a pint! [Bangkok, 2018]
I started smoking Virginia Slims in college in an effort to be cool. Turns out smoking cigarettes are highly addictive but I managed to quit after a friend pointed out I had a problem. Although once I started teaching first graders in Portland Oregon, it became a habit again. I’d race home, sit on my back deck, and light that sucker up. The day would replay around me and I’d wonder at the pure exhaustion that was teaching.

Another colleague confessed that it was a glass of wine or a bottle that topped off her evening. I remember when my brother told me, “I now understand why our stepfather drank after work.” There’s something about using substances to take the edge off. Wine or beer seems perfectly natural and wonderful to me now, and I’ve never been a big drinker.

I’ve also never been a TV addict but these days I don’t mind watching YouTube after a full day of teaching. I round off my evening by reading in bed, too. I’m very mindful of how much TV or drink I have. I don’t want to waste my time but I also know that I deserve a break and watching standup comedy so I can laugh my head off is not a waste of my time.

As a child it felt like TV was a fun indulgence but as an adult, TV feels more like a way to take a break from the day, the worries, and the stress.

//Naps

When you’re so exhausted you decide to put on a helmet and rest at your desk. [Siem Reap, Cambodia, 2016]
During my freshman year of high school, I would go to my friend Keitha’s house on a regular basis. Her mom would almost always be napping on the couch. My mom is also a big napper. It was ritualistic for to read her Thai newspaper and magazines, and then for her to retire to her bedroom or couch to rest.

I never understood people’s need to sleep in the middle of the day unless they were not feeling well. I tried napping and didn’t like it. I would be groggy for what felt like hours after waking up. I felt useless afterward. I didn’t get it so I didn’t do it.

But an interesting thing happens when you get older; you have a harder time sleeping at night. (This obviously isn’t the case for everyone.) I remember when I was on Whidbey Island doing my teaching practicum and my mentor was taking me along to do some errands. He brought me to a natural foods store where he purchased some sort of herbal remedy for sleeping.

“What’s that for?” I asked.

“Do you have problems sleeping?”

“No, not really.”

“You will,” he held up the white bottles, “this helps.”

Here I am working hard at relaxing on the massage table. [Chiang Mai, Thailand, 2013]
When I was in Siem Reap, I remember discussing with some colleagues my problem with not getting enough sleep at night.

“Oh, Peter, and I was just talking about this. I’ll give you this meditation exercise that’s supposed to help.” My friend said.

And then when I talked to Peter he said, “I have some pills you might be interested in taking.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t want to get addicted to anything.”

“I understand.  Just take them every once in a while. They’re very mild and gentle.”

It took me a long time to finally try one but when I did, I was in heaven. It worked! I used them when I really needed to get in some sleep and was careful not to abuse them. But then we moved to Thailand and I could no longer get them. So my boss suggested a natural product called 5-HTP. It worked for the first time but never after that.

Funnily, when I was explaining the sleep issue to another friend, he said, “Why don’t you just drink beer?”

 

What about you? What do you understand now that you are an adult?

32 replies on “Things I understand now that I’m an adult”

  1. I sometimes joked with my senior class that I had to drink at least a bottle of wine before I could mark their exam papers. 😉 Although I never quite resorted to it, I definitely agree that a glass of wine took the edge off a day of teaching. And my short stint as a kindergarten teacher in Taiwan got me perfecting the 20 minute power nap at lunch time . . .

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    1. Ha! You reminded me of other teachers who would bring their papers home so they could drink while marking them or the one who would take them pool side.

      We do what we can…we do what we can…

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  2. I certainly now understand why my dad always took a nap after work and I wish I could do so as well ;D
    Life can be really tough and there has to be some kind of outlet. Some people smoke, drink /both, watch TV or whatnot at. I prefer hanging on the sofa and watch some tv shows or play some computer games…

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    1. Yes. I know some people are good about exercising because after work our local park is busy with aerobic dancers, walkers and runners. But I feel those folks probably worked indoor office jobs where they then feel the need to go outside and move.

      I remember the one time I paid for a trainer and she said, if you have an desk job you should do some form of standing up exercise and if you are standing up all day then you should sit down on a bicycle to work out.

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  3. I really understand the reason for siestas! There’s a time about 2 in the afternoon that if I lay down it is SO easy to fall asleep. I’m NEVER that comfortable at night🤷. I also realize the real need for caffeine! Oh, and why my parents got so upset when I was late or didn’t know where I was.

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    1. OMG. I forgot! The need for caffeine! Hahahhaa. But honestly my mom was never a big soda or coffee drinker. So that was not modeled during my childhood. I definitely drink more coffee than she does. But I can’t do coffee all day like some people.

      Napssss. Yes. It gives me something to look forward to when I wake up tired. 😛

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  4. I didn’t understand naps either, maybe because I have always slept well at night. Like you, if I napped during the day I would feel groggy later (and that was if I managed to fall asleep… as I had difficulties falling asleep if it was not dark). However after I gave birth I found myself taking naps and falling asleep super fast, it must have been exhaustion!

    I still don’t understand coffee. Blergh.

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    1. I would imagine now that you are a mama, you will be napping ALL the time. Hahahhaa.

      Coffee. It’s nice. I like it, but I don’t drink it all day. I can’t use caffeine to spike me up like a lot of people do. It’s mostly part of a morning ritual if nothing else.

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      1. I napped during the first month or so, now no way Jose. Sometimes I want to do other things while the baby sleeps, sometimes the baby only sleeps if on me xD

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  5. Haha! Some of these points resonate with me. I work 5, 6 days a week at a day job, pulling 7-9 hours. Then after that I might have freelance work. Been at this for many years now. When I get home I mostly feel tired. Don’t nap because it leaves me groggy. After some resting my mind usually switches on and somehow I get some good energy for the night to do things like blogging, YouTubing and other things that interest me until about 11pm or midnight. And I don’t drink coffee and don’t drink anything alcohol either.

    Most nights I fall asleep easy. But there are periods when I don’t, and I have thought about taking them. Most of the time I get some side effects from medication, and then I think maybe not.

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    1. Side effects of drugs definitely kill it for me. I got off the pill when I couldn’t take the “side” of depression anymore.

      Most nights I don’t take anything. I can’t, really. I’m in a country that lacks good over-the-counter drugs. Hahahaha. But seriously, if you’re desperate you could always take an a cold medicine that makes you drowsy. Or something for air-sickness which also makes you drowsy. And yes, I kind of hate how I know all this.

      Of course the best method is to take good care of yourself which I’m always trying to do! Thanks for stopping by Mabel 😉 May you always have sweet dreams.

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      1. Hahaha. I’ve considered taking a cold pill or panadol just to make myself a bit drowsy before bed. Most pills irritate my stomach so I sensible avoid…but it’s always an option 😛 But I usually don’t because the grogginess from the pill can last through the next day!

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  6. Interesting. My aunt warned me about that sleep quality failing as you age thing over this past summer and it’s terrified me ever since… I still manage to get a good eight hours, and I’m in my 30s, but sometimes I do wake up randomly now, which is new. And I’m so terrified that it’s going to keep getting new, worse things. Ugh, it’s inevitable isn’t it? Blarg.

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    1. Well, there’s also this idea that you need less sleep as you get older. I’m not there yet, and I wonder when that will happen.

      But I should reiterate you might be one of those lucky folks who never has problems sleeping. My mom is the perfect example; she can sleep anywhere, anytime.

      I think part of my problem has been learning to sleep in countries that are considered ‘developing’. There are usually noises, strange smells, and such that have trained me to be a much lighter sleeper. Or I could just be getting old 😛

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  7. My dad was a carpenter. He used to fall asleep after dinner sitting in his Lazy boy watching cowboy movies. I started smoking when I was in college, not to look cool but to keep my hands busy so I won’t eat something fattening. I quit smoking after a few years, but I still have problems with sweet snacks.

    There’s something about being tired and needing a rest that requires something to go along with it–TV, a glass of wine, a couple of cookies. I never feel like taking a nap, but once or twice a day I need a rest and something to go along with it.

    And yeah, I understand about sleep when you get older. I wake up in the middle of the night, and quite often I have a hard time getting back to sleep again.

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    1. Yes! This happens regularly to me, too. I wake up in the very early morning and have a hard time getting comfortable or turning off my brain chatter to go back to sleep. Even if I’m very tired! It doesn’t matter. Its not even something I’m worried about, just some silliness that the mind feels the need to grab and shake around. Sheesh.

      I used to have the habit of eating and reading. So deadly. Now though I read in bed and I REFUSE to eat in bed. There are too many ants here, and I don’t want to encourage them.

      I can’t believe you used to smoke! 😛

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  8. I did sense as a teenager why my mother napped in middle of afternoon….she was simply tired as mother of 6 kids. She deserved it. She stayed up late to be with father after his evening shift would end and home not until around 1:00 am from restaurant cook job.

    My sleep was disrupted when I had a concussion from cycling accident when another cyclist knocked me off bike. To heal, I simply rested/slept in bed for several wks….which threw off my circadian rhythm.

    The things to help myself which..I did see a sleep doctor (MD) and you’ll find in medical advice:

    *no iPhone computer screen exposure 1 hr. before sleep. Blue light keeps brain awake. Includes TV

    *No caffeine after noon.

    * Some light stretching/exercise to relax or a warm shower/bath a few hrs. before sleep.

    *Some warm milk about an hr. before I go to sleep.
    *The right pillow…which for me, can’t be too bouncy. huge fluffy. I sleep better on flatter pillows.

    Above all, if I have less personal/mental stress from work, etc. that helps also. Since the death of my sister, then 6 yrs. later, my father, and 2 wks. later, the cycling accident, has challenged me abit.

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    1. I’ve definitely looked up ways to sleep better so I’m already familiar with the no caffeine, no devices, warm milk, etc. advice. However, I think it’s funny that you and I both don’t like fluffy pillows. 😛 This is one of the reasons why sleeping in hotels is hard for me – the pillows are ridiculous! Plus all that noise – new noises that come from an unfamiliar environment.

      Yes, you’ve had some intense challenges when it comes to sleep. When I was younger, and didn’t understand, when someone said ‘I didn’t sleep well’ I’d nod my head and feel sympathetic, of course. But now, now, I know how important it is and how much it can destroy your day/s, so when I hear those words, it’s a deep inner groan of greater understanding.

      I hope you are sleeping better Jean.

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      1. Re: pillows. It’s having a pillow that molds gently around my neck that gives it best support but not too sunken in, but not pushed out by a very fluffy, bouncy pillow.

        Interestingly, when staying at major hotel chains in Japan this past summer, I liked the pillows there: flatter. Just perfect. 🙂

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  9. Those experiences sound very familiar. Some habits (addictions?) may come and go. Some are better off going over time. They can help (or appear to help?) to take the edge off the day. As Homer Simpson once said, “Alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, life’s problems.”

    With some extreme work stress, I found running long distances to be my coping mechanism. It was a pretty bad situation at one time due to a particular manager who was a terror on two feet to people. Those “good times” came and went. There are other stresses at work, as we all know, which is pretty much other people and the drama and too much work and lack of work and policies and all that hoo-ha.

    Sometimes it is hard to look back to childhood to see how adults were experiencing and coping with their situations. We have to put ourselves back in our old mindset and perspectives. I suppose we can’t do that fully, so we related it to how we experience life ourselves, stress in and out of work.

    I’ve found solitude and mediation to be helpful these days. Also, a good partner to be with and spend time with when we do have time together. Even if we don’t do things together but are simply not home alone and doing our own thing.

    Home truly should be our sanctuary from all of the craziness of life.

    It would be interesting, though, to know about “challenges” the adults we encountered and lived around in our childhoods. We are often shielded from those problems. We can only imagine how they really felt if they didn’t weary their hearts on their sleeves, so to speak.

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    1. You bring up a very good point. Who knows how they were coping? Would I want to know? There are times when I remember a good parent shields their children from the “adult problems” of the world. After all, why do we need to know what we cannot fully understand or change? It creates unnecessary stress.

      Another good point is the power of aerobic exercise to beat the blues and stress of work. Yes, definitely have had my fair share of mis-managers who make work harder than it needs to be. There’s also an element of ‘protection’ there, too.

      And yessss…home should be our sanctuary from the craziness. I think that is why I’ve moved so often in SE Asia. Finding a QUIET place is like finding a needle in the haystack. We’ve been on a good streak though. Fingers crossed!

      And a good partner. Grateful to have someone who understands me! Thanks Patrick for your perspective and insight.

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  11. All of the above plus…how worried all the adults in my life were about saving money. Now that I’m on my own again making less money, I find myself comparing prices at Kroger and thinking how much gas I would use if I want to go to that thing across town!

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    1. Yes, so true. I remember my mom saying things like, “I’m not made out of money” and those kinds of things. There were lean Christmases and times that I felt even as a child.

      For my first new car, I remember knowing how much it cost to fill the tank, and the jokes about putting $5 in. I also used to bring a mental calculator to the grocery store so I wouldn’t be surprised at check out.
      UGH!

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  12. I agree with all of the above. And I think this goes double for teachers.
    I mean, I do work hard at my current job (and past office jobs), but I still remember the pure exhaustion that was teaching in Japan. Teaching expends a lot of energy. I think cause you’re using your brain and body and acting as entertainment all in one go–and you do it all damn day. It’s like being “on” nonstop. When I lived in Japan I did what your boyfriend did almost everyday–I would walk into my home, take off my shoes, and face plant into the bed and pass out cold for 2 hours. I was 22 then… I can’t even imagine doing it now! My hats off to the two of you, and all teachers–it’s a truly exhausting job.

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    1. Yes. I’m amazed at how much teaching takes it out of you. After a full day, I’m so zonked that I’m officially useless and just stare at YouTube or go to sleep.

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    1. Really? I can’t imagine. Actually, you’re a lot like the BF, he can take long naps and then still sleep solid throughout the night.

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