I want to fish as deep as down as possible into my own subconscious in the belief that once that far down, everyone will understand because they are somewhat the same that far down. – Jack Kerouac
Alright. I’ve signed up for WP’s Writing 101 course. And for our first assignment we had to free write for 20 minutes. After completing it, I dug up my writing class notes and thought this stream of consciousness exercise is something I should do every day. I think it’s a good writing habit.
But before I share what I scribbled in my notebook, I should explain that I moved from Chiang Mai Thailand to Chiang Rai 6 months ago. I’m moving again, but this time just a couple of kilometers towards town. . .
Moving is on my mind. Getting it done. Excited for the new start, and the new beginning. It’s been such a rough 6 months that I feel this will be like our new year, our starting over. There is such promise in that. And I’d like to make new friends. I feel ready for that. Can you believe it?
Maybe these past 6 months have been a long difficult transit/passage because we thought we had landed, but we really hadn’t and the frustration came from wanting and waiting for this. What’s interesting is if I look back, 6 months was how long I lived in Ecuador. 6 months is half a year. It’s a strange period of time. A lot can be lived in the lifetime of 6 months. And a lot has.
These past 6 months was living with b/f for the first time, the new job, the new city and surroundings, a big plop that I thought was going to be easier. Just goes to show you, just because you’ve done something a lot doesn’t mean you’ve mastered it. But oddly enough, I don’t have regrets. I mean, I don’t regret the move. Our new landlord just called. Okay, we have set the time.
So, I don’t regret the move even though I gave up a comfortable and known life for an unknown beginning. I think I will find something about these 6 months later after more time has passed. I forgot to ask about the mattress. Oh, I’ll text him later. I’m not worried. I can’t be worried. I stress out too easily and often. It will be as it should be.
Maybe 6 months is the time it takes to find your footing in a new land. Maybe we are not patient enough. Maybe we don’t realize how much we need to process. Maybe change is not as easy as travel bloggers and entrepreneurs lead us to believe.
But for me, these changes are good. I don’t know why though. Well, I mean the first move. The second move, yes. From comfort to crazy is never easy and yet I don’t think about it. I just do it. Maybe I should anticipate the difficulties, but they are never what you think they will be.
Ghosts appear when you didn’t even think about ghosts. Why ghosts? They seem to represent problems and hey, Halloween is around the corner. Why not? No more ghosts please. I know they will always be around to rattle their chains, leave behind mysterious pools of water (true story) and create fear and chaos. So the question is: How can I be a ghost buster? Hunter? A paranormal strategist? How can I slay my worries to rest and accept what has happened? New beginnings, new start. I suppose I better accept there will be a few unexpected ghosts. I suppose they make life exciting.
P.S. Our awesome new landlord is replacing the mattress.
Life, the Universe, and Lani 
Sounds perfect as it always is. Acceptance of what “is so” slays the ghosts and expectations unfulfilled brings them back. So being aware of our own creation with no “right” or “wrong” is always a winner! Love to you Lani and your new adventure!
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Thanks Robyn. Those are kind and wise words that I will try to remember as we start this new beginning!
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You just had to wait until the moment was right for the place and space to be ready for you. It is now and seems you have a great start with a nice landlord. Enjoy the process!
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Thank Lin. I’m so excited. I think this will help me clean and pack and get going…something to look forward to is always a wonderful motivator!
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Great post. Change is the most natural thing in the world. If one door closes, others will open. And of course, there will be ghosts (<- love it!). But doesn't that make life even more precious?
Sorry for the philosophical twist :p
I absolutely love your blog, so I'll be looking out for you in my reader!
-Orin.
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Thanks. I’m looking forward to reading your posts, too. Yeah, the ghost thingy, just saw that in my mind when I was thinking about problems and such.
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Nice start for Writing 101.
I know about that, too, but thought against joining because I know I won’t be able to commit. Time and resources won’t permit me. But anyway, the purpose to make oneself more prolific and I think, I somehow have already been working on that. I actually have so many on my list that I need to write about, I even have some drafts started. Just can’t finish everything in my crazy world at the moment. 😉
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Yeah, I’m not sure what I’m thinking. I’m moving this week, but so far I feel challenged, and that’s good, right? 🙂
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You’re so very right, Lani, we seem to be addicted to hearing about the “all-good” version of every story and neglect the process of how we get from point A to point B, which is usually messy and full of all sorts of crap. That’s the interesting stuff though, isn’t it?
Wishing you lots of good stuff on your new journey, and way to go on diving into more change!
~ Andrea ❤
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Thanks. I don’t know if I should be congratulated though. I feel like this move is something I HAVE to do. Here’s to jumping into the void…
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I definitely believe that there are many people who feel that call…they HAVE to do something…and they still deny themselves the opportunity to jump into that void. So, don’t downplay how amazing that is and how amazing you are.
Take my congrat’s, my friend, you’re a fearless gak and very inspiring!!
~Andrea ❤
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You are amazing because of all the moving and the insights the moves give you. This is spot on the right path for you.
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God, is that you? 😛
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Alright, alright, I really want to do this writing thing. My brain is not wanting to blog at all, and it needles me with guilt.
That aside, great post! We all have ghosts, which can manifest in weird ways, thought not always in unpleasant ways.
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“It needles me with guilt” >>> nice line. Right now those needles are telling me to start packing 😛
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