Expat · Writing Memoir

Men are insensitive bastards

I’d like to start off by saying a big FUCK YOU to all the men who have said no to me in my life. Now, I know the feminazis are shaving their muffs off in celebratory glee and the men-folk are rolling their eyes and mousing over to the close tab, but I don’t care.

Where does this rare moment of swearing come from? I spent the day with the ex. And dear readers this isn’t a bitchfest over boys. Sorry. So go read something else if that is what you are looking for and stop popping the popcorn, because I really really really adore men. Well, the hairy ones anyhow.

Although Pippin, the cat, is being highly annoying right now, asking for attention as I try to write. Bastard keeps digging his sweet Jesus claws into me. He must know I’m writing about his sex. . .

Now where was I? Ah yes. Fuck you.

Look I won’t say you were right. But I will ask, were you right? Is it not possible for the ex and I to be friends? Overall, we do alright. The big reason is I won’t let someone else control how I feel. Well, I make an exerted effort to do so. I do believe in forgiving and moving on and I’ve done a mighty fine job of making a beautiful life here in CM with the help of friends. And voodoo magic.

But something inside me sinks when he insists on showing me a video he made with his newish girlfriend. Insensitive twit or twat? You choose. But like Pippin, I think he just wanted my attention, and the claws were a temporary extraction. He just wanted to share something that he felt was sweet. I get that.

She wasn’t in the video, but her voice was all over it because she was filming. Then later in the day, he proceeds to tell me that his friend, let’s call him Bob, prefers Asian women who don’t speak very good English. I guess he finds them more erotic. And Bob and the ex- both agree that curvy women are the bomb diggy best. Thanks for sharing.

Now anyone who knows me, knows I wasn’t taught Thai so I have to pinch my way through the torrent that is the Thai language (I know, boo fn’ hoo), and I have the body of a pubescent boy. Now, if I had say a Girls Gone Wild self-esteem problem, I would have been mutilating myself at this point. But I don’t. I have a healthy self-esteem that Teen magazine praises about.

To help matters along, the ex tells me his new girlfriend likes all the things that I didn’t. Great. Good for you buddy. (*claps hands slowly*) Furthermore, that it must be challenging to find someone in Chiang Mai because it’s so smallish. (The city, not my chest.) I probably mumbled something that resembled the last cry of the dying, or threw my shoe at him, I don’t remember. I might have blacked out.

It comes down to feeling, doesn’t it? Except for those choice moments, we were simply good friends who have known each other for 7 years, hanging out. But when I awoke the next day and reflected, I sat with how I felt. And was reminded that the choices you have made have little to do with me. Even difficult people need friends and I’ll be your friend.

I’m not sure why, but I thrive under these conditions. You know, being stroked the wrong way. Resistance makes the person. I was given a test. Can you hear, once again, how you are not the type of girl, boys like? Oh yeah, I can, cause like I haven’t heard from the men yet.

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12 thoughts on “Men are insensitive bastards

  1. Eh. I'm over it. Writing is my therapy, my sanity, my true love.But I'm glad you two got something out of it! A huge compliment! Yeah!!!

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  2. Lani! Haven't you heard that it's unhealthy to keep your emotions bottled up inside?! You need to share more…let others know how you really feel…[heh heh heh…]Sincerely, though…I think we all admire (and are amazed by) your efforts to be civil and friendly with your ex-partner.As a man, however, I must say I don't think your ex RECIPROCATED properly…at the very least, it's bad manners to shine a bright, most-favorable light on his present girlfriend [in your presence, to you] and to COMPARE her to you (again, in your presence), well…that's just uncalled for.He's deserving of any f-bombs you toss in his direction; with friends like him, you…[well, you know this saying goes].On the bright side, this kind of, uh, relationship adversity, seems to have sharpened and focused your writing…this was a great post (I've already re-read it twice).Regards from Ken C. in southern California.

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  3. PREACH! Of course I know exactly what you mean. And no, its not a burnt woman rant that you've got here; it's truth. I don't know what makes them do it, but honestly you deserve better and you deserve to let him know that whatever she does and whoever she is has ZERO bearing on the friendship you are trying to have with him so he needs to let that be. Brava to you for being the strong one. Brava to you for caring at all.

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  4. @ksine: seriously. this seems to be the vibe among my lady friends. @harold: thanks for validating what i felt, that his sharing is not appropriate. i'm not sure why he doesn't get that.ah and yes, adversity can bring out some interesting writing. . .@bloggerl: hugs

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  5. My first response was, “What an ASSHOLE!”But after some reflection, I began to think, “Wow, what a MAJOR ASSHOLE!”Seriously, either he is a complete social moron who constantly engages his mouth before turning his brain on, or he said those things simply to hurt you.Either option makes him look like an asshole.Hence my conclusions.

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  6. @Vagabond: You know at first I thought, oh, he's not trying to hurt me. . .he's just clueless and then I thought, hmmmm. Maybe you are right?Sounds odd because we are good friends (maybe not after this post) but I wonder if unconsciously he's got a mean streak or something.But of course, that begs the question – why?

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  7. The things he said are things an emotionally immature man says when he's hurt and angry. Clearly, he thinks you've hurt him somehow.But really, his behavior, words and actions have absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It's all about his expectations and his frustration at not getting what he wanted or what he felt he deserved. He probably never communicated his true feelings to you and instead thought he'd go the passive/aggressive route.But all that negative ickiness is HIS baggage, not yours.You can–and will–do so much better.

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  8. Ugh. Sounds to me like he's just clueless, but what do I know? But sweet jeebus, lady, you are SO much stronger than I am. I would have been cursing and throwing things and then fallen on the floor weeping. DRAMAZ!

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