Recently I tuned in to the Bangkok Podcast and heard the Blonde Traveler talk about how hard it is to date in Bangkok as a farang girl. Which led me to her blog and then a long winded male perspective, which led me to write this post. I’ve written about this topic before but I felt like well, taking this matter a little further.
To the White Diamonds [site is no longer available]:
Look, Thai women are generally petite and different (exotic if you like that word better) for most white men. I think men like the idea of being bigger than their woman. There are the exceptions, men who want to feel small in the arms of a woman, sure, but overall I think not.
Caucasian women who compare themselves to Thai women or any woman for that matter are in for a long bitter night on a cold campground. There will always be someone who is skinner, prettier, blonder, smarter, sexier, etc. Who the hell cares? You have the skin color Thai women crave – they do incredibly stupid things to their bodies to look like YOU. Ironic, isn’t it?
There are farang-hunters and for that reason alone I wouldn’t want to be a single white male. I don’t know how a guy here could ever sleep with both eyes closed knowing that the girl he was with liked/loved him for all the nice reasons.
I used to look down at the bar girls because I found their line of work distasteful, but the other day I realized how lucky I was. My mother boarded an airplane bound for the United States 9 months pregnant with me so I could have a better life. If I could liberate my Thai sisters, I would. For now, I’ll stop pretending to know who they are. What is it they say? Condemning a problem never fixes a problem.
We often hear white guys say: Thai/Asian women are more attentive. What that means is a Thai woman will call her new style American boyfriend and ask if he wants her to pick up breakfast/lunch/dinner. She’ll clear the table and wash the dishes. She won’t say, “It’s your turn tonight.”
She’ll rub his back if he’s been on the motorbike too long. And she’ll do the laundry.
I remember my friend Anna telling me that she would never ever iron her husband’s clothes for as long as they were married. He could do that shit himself. And I thought, why? I used to think I would never do a man’s laundry, but when I was unemployed I did all the housework for my boyfriend and I. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for equal rights, women’s lib, but I’m also for being in a relationship.
Western women might think this is too old fashioned, de-revolutionizing but I think if you are with a good man he will appreciate it and reciprocate. Thai women are amazed that white guys help out, hence the additional attraction.
But Thai ladies are also under the guise that white men don’t cheat, don’t break hearts, or don’t hit you. Ha! What a sack of shit!
To the Thai women:
Do you gals like um, read my blog? (besides my ex’s girlfriend)
To all the women:
Honestly I wish we’d stop competing against one another. Isn’t life hard enough as it is? If you are trying to tell yourself you are wonderful and beautiful, but you still feel jealous that you are not getting the attention you think you deserve, you’ll still be unhappy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there is room for all of us to be beautiful. White versus Asian is just another way to keep us occupied from being our brilliant selves and helping each other along the way.
Life, the Universe, and Lani 
Lani, I can't speak for all white men but this white man has always been attracted to Asian women. Ever since I was a kid…I don't know why and I can't help it…it's in my genetic makeup I guess.I don't like Asian women because they are small or because I think the will be subservient as a matter of fact my ex Thai girlfriend got mad at me the first time we had dinner at my place and I wouldn't let her do the dishes…I did them.I have a feeling most white men found in Bangkok or Thailand for that matter have the same disposition as I do which would make it quite hard for a farang woman to get a date.Then again I am equal opportunity and love all women so you never know.While many white women would love to look more Thai the flip side is also true. I know many Thai women that want thinner lips, whiter skin, smaller eyes and larger breasts…and I have yet to be with a Thai woman while seeing a white woman when the Thai woman hasn't said ” isn't she beautiful”.
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Thanks Talen for your perspective on the matter! It's true some men are just attracted to Asian women. Some men like Latinas, Caucasians, etc.I know a white guy who divorced his Thai wife for a Caucasian woman in BKK. And I feel like every time I go to BKK I see more Asian men with Caucasian women.I've been receiving some under the table comments re: this post and I got to tell you the perspectives are interesting. I think when you complain you either receive sympathy or hold on a minute comments and I've been receiving the latter. (in reference to the wd article)You know I heard the same thing in Ecuador that expats were “dating beneath their standards” (by other expat women) and I got to say these couples looked incredibly happy.
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I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about why western men find Thai women attractive. We have a tendency to view things in black or white but it is never that simple. I did not come to Thailand looking for a wife but that is just how it happened; in fact I’d sworn never to get married and enjoyed being a serial-monogamist. I trained as a nurse so got to spend a lot of time with women; I got on well with them and have never chosen a girlfriend on the basis of race. There are things about Thai women that appealed to me straight away though. I was attracted to my wife because she had many personality traits that I’d love to have myself. She is at ease with who she is; something that most of us don’t have. Many people who come from western countries are quite assertive and have an opinion about everything; my wife only has opinions about things that matter to her. I like to talk too much, but my wife prefers to listen. Some people might see this as being subservient but the fact is she just doesn’t need to talk about herself all the time. I try to be more like her but it is hard.
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I love it!It's so easy, isn't it? for us to judge one another based upon what we think we know. There are a variety of reasons why people fall in love and Thailand isn't any different. Someone might have to spearhead a project on the non-cynical side of love in Thailand.
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'Honestly I wish we’d stop competing against one another. Isn’t life hard enough as it is?'It's the nature of the beast really. When you are out there dating, bed hopping, whatever, then it does become a competition to attach yourself to your desires: someone smart, rich, cute, tall, and with a nice butt…And really, it doesn't matter if it's in Thailand or the west. Remember back home? There has and always will be the competition between women who are brunettes/blonds/redheads, tall/short, skinny/skinnier…But I do agree with you that it would be great if women put more time into supporting their sisters, and less time looking at them as the enemy. I'm just glad that I'm not 20/30 and single in Thailand. Or even 20/30 and married in Thailand. (which, in Thailand, has the potential of ending up a living hell)
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It is sad that everyone's out there competing for an ideal we call “love” where I think the love that we actually is beautiful are those relationships with acceptance and reciprocity. Can that be correlated with a big/little ass? Can that be correlated with a culture or skin color? I wish it could be that easy, but it's probably better that it's not.
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Absolutely agree with Paul when he says “His wife (insert 'Thai women' here) is/are comfortable with who they are.I think that's something Thais have that most westerners don't. Myself included. And I envy that.Other than that. Thai women are beautiful and I can absolutely understand why so many Western men love them so much. And that's coming from a perfectly straight white woman, thank you very much :)And, btw, to whoever said it must be difficult for white women to date in Thailand because the white men are looking for Thai women. Some of us white women aren't looking for WHITE men. We're quite happy with the little brown ones we find 🙂
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@Rachel: Well said. I've met a lot of white women who are into Thai men.
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My take on this is:All women are and aren't beautiful inside or out, Thai or not. Couples become couples because they have something beneficial in it for them, Thai or not. All people are lonely one way or the other, Thai or not. Everyone likes happy endings, Thai or not. Booooooyaaaaaaaaahhhhhh~~!!
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Nice article. I do think it can be difficult for a white women if she is looking for… white men in thailand! Of course it is! There are much less white men than in the west! You're not going to South-America expecting to date a European either. If women who life in Bangkok also consider Thai men as respective partners they will have a very nice choice. I can't count how many times my (Thai) boyfriend was asked if I had any female white friends (I take this as a compliment :)). Personally I don't care what “color” my boyfriend is… as long as there's love and respect.
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Well said sister! Woo woo!
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I love reading your blog! You have an absolutely refreshing perspective as an expat, and I really commend you on being able to articulate yourself so well. Keep up the good work!
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Thank you very much Emily. I needed to hear that today 😛
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Lani, What I know about Thailand is what I read from you and our friend J. Most of which now entices me to visit. I swear that day is coming. I enjoyed this article very much. Unfortunately this discussion about white men seeking Thai/Asian women versus white women for superficial or subservient reasons will never end, especially for white women. There's nothing anyone can change about another person's reason for getting involved with someone whether their reasons are stereotypical or not. If this lady from the podcast is looking to date her own race while in a country that is dominated by another race, then she's living in the wrong country or perhaps the wrong continent. She needs open her mind and her eyes to what’s available to her. Rachel, you could not have said it better, “Some of us white women aren't looking for WHITE men. We're quite happy with the little brown ones…” And I'm not White or Thai, but that is the checkmate comment.Finally, I don't know if Thai women are more comfortable with who they are or not. If Thai women (as so many women do in every country) envy white women enough to try to make their lips appear smaller or their skin lighter, then maybe most of them aren't as comfortable in their skins as many expats think. There are so many nuances about a culture that outsiders don't see because the issue simply doesn't apply to them.Great post Lani.
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Thanks Conswalia 🙂 And yes, you better visit! It would be so much fun.I think you bring up a valid point about Thai women being comfortable or not in their skins…every woman seems to struggle with her appearance at one point or another and putting down Thais or anyone else seems futile. I think the “White Diamonds” girl is/was struggling with her own identity in a place that was so different than her own…it's not a competition.
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Just ran into this old post. Great read yet again Lani!
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Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. Always exceptions, always.
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