Expat · Writing Memoir

How to heal a broken heart (or my welcome back to Thailand)

First of all, be thankful you have a heart because your ex certainly hasn’t…

broken-cookie

Secondly, do something you’ll really regret like cut off all of your hair, beg him to have you back, or write on your FB wall: My ex’s new girlfriend reads my blog. Is that weird or what? Or on his wall: Thanks for the memories, Asshole.

Next, contemplate suicide because that has always worked well in the past. After reading your tearful goodbye-cruel-world note he will instantly feel remorse for his stupid stupid stupid behavior and then kill himself. Problem solved.

Give in to donuts by the baker’s dozen, cheesecake by the wheel and alcohol by the volume. After all, you have nothing to look forward to so you might as well live it up now before your arteries crystallize and your liver explodes.

Send him a singing telegram. Cinderella’s “Don’t Know What You Got (until it’s gone)” is not only an excellent 80s ballad, and what a video eh? but outrageously appropriate and still relevant today.

Jump right in – right in the relationship pool that is! It’s healthy and natural to be in love! And it’s perfectly okay if you still have feelings for another person! This is why they call it playing the field! You’re covering all of your bases to ensure you catch that sweet home run. (Just remember to wear that catcher’s mitt otherwise you might catch something else during the game.)

Remember tattoos can be surgically removed or cleverly transformed into some very compelling and interesting designs. Billy Bob who? Your imagination is your limitation.

And dear, don’t tell yourself he will regret this decision. Because when you’ve lost your spiritual companion, your best friend and lover, you won’t feel like being right. You won’t feel like having all the answers, you’ll just want to feel peace again. Pick up the remote and turn off the mental movie.

So when the sting hits your eyes, your throat closes up and your heart drowns from sorrow, pull yourself up with both hands. Love has not abandoned you, it has transformed. The man you loved no longer exists; the man you loved would not have gone behind your back.

You’re not going to really cut off all your hair, are you?

***

“If you cannot accept what is outside, accept what is inside.” – The Power of Now

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14 thoughts on “How to heal a broken heart (or my welcome back to Thailand)

  1. Uh, how did this-all not come up in a conversation PRIOR to you leaving Equador? Miscalculation or failure to mention? Either way any self respecting person would not put up with that. It's done and should be over.

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  2. A tattoo is by far the best way to heal a broken heart. Then you will always remember how stupid, er… I mean- BRAVE you were. (The above comment was written by my right ankle.)*hugs*

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  3. @anon: curious who you are!?! lol@nanibooboo: :P@happy: thanks! i was hoping someone would make a comment on what i think is pretty good writing.

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  4. To me, the best way to cure your broken heart is to use this opportunity to find a new girlfriend or boyfriend. This method might not work for everybody, but it worked for me.

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  5. I'm another who advises jumping right back out there. Shrug. It works.And while doing a lot of deep thinking over what happened might help you understand, it does almost nothing for the part that aches. In fact, it can increase the pain.Only time and… well… lots of you know what… heals that.Oh, but while you are waiting, slather over-ripe Durian all through his car engine. And make double sure to get it deep into the craggy bits. You will feel soooooooooo much better as you wave him 'bye bye' for good.You might feel SO good that you'll do it again. And again. Now, isn't that a nicer plan than doing nothing? (I've always said that sex and Durian make a great partnership – now to get that proof)

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  6. Lani, I didn't forgot to say 'Welcome back to Thailand!' I was having a difficult time weaving it in-between my advice of wild, unfettered sex and Durian, so thought a double comment was the way to go.HUGS sweetie! I am soooooo chuffed to have you back here. You were missed tons:-)

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  7. Make that 'Durian on a HOT engine' :-DI've never tried fresh Durian, only the paste. So please get back to me if you do…[ Oh. One more thing. From past experience I know that if there is a Jack Russell around, it'll go absolutely bonkers ]

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